| I Have the Drive. |
[Oct. 22nd, 2008|11:27 am] |
Good Riddance:Cheyenne:why should we suffer for the fear that's underneath
It's been a long time.
A long time I've felt like I was struggling, working, nose to the grind stone, staying on track.
Yesterday felt amazing.
At first it was just me calling sick from work. Then it was getting a full nights sleep (for once).
And then it heightened. I got myself up, got myself out and I took care of something I should have done a long long time ago.
Note2Self: Longer than I've known I should.
Jawbreaker:busy:When keeping up is killing you. And you need a ruling without a clue
To cut it short.
I Can Drive.
Legally that is. It's been a long battle, several trips down to court houses, with little feeling of justice at any point. But yesterday I dragged myself out of bed and I walked nearly 30 minutes to the DMV. Paid my monies, filled out my forms and around every turn I was waiting for that moment.
"You can't get your license" "You've got some out standing fine" "you look funny".
Something, anything, I was waiting for it.
But I just got scouted along down to the DMV guy, down to the new picture lady, down to the... Written testing room.
I had to re take the written test.
And you only get 3 mistake on a renewal. I should have just claimed it as an original then you get 6 mistakes. BTW why does that make sense?
I sit down scratch off a million answers and bring them up to the lady. She hands it back and circle something I left blank.
"I don't want to have to fail you because you cause of that"
So I breath deep and guess the second answer, which thankfully was right. Because I missed 3 after that.
it happened so fast, I thought I'd failed.
"Wait over there while this prints out"
Shocked I step over and replay what the hell just happened.
She hands me the print out.
"is this my temporary?"
"Yes"
"Sweet!"
All:Self Righteous:I'm still an ok guy
I walk outside knowing shits just changed big time.
This month already I've paid off one of my creditors, the biggest debt I had is now gone. And I only have one left. I'm nearly back to zero, in a world that's crumbling around me, I'm doing fine. better than fine actually.
Piebald:We Cannot Read Poetry:Taking your time to cross the street
There's one final bit to all this. This past 2 months I've been writing for the story department on GND. But today I final got word, my out date is Oct 31st. That means a week from Friday I'm done working.
And I'm exstatic about it. I love the job, love that I got the chance to write for a living for real. I'm glad that when season 6 starts, if I need it, I'll most likely be able to come back to the same position (or on to another show at the same company. For that matter I can probably get a story job on almost any reality TV show with this credit).
But I don't want it. Not yet. I've got some savings, some time and the want to do more.
Ted Leo & Pharmacists:Congressional Dubcision:...
For starters Novemeber is Nanowrimo. National novel writing month, and I have a story I want to work on. I have one full month of free time. I'm going to crank this mother out. I can't wait. I've already got ideas rolling around my head, they've been there for months. And once it's a novel I'm going to break it up in to a mini series. 10 episodes. As professionally as I can, and all pacakged to be sold or just released to the internet. It doesn't matter, what matters is getting it done.
and that's what this is about. I've got some time, so it's time to get things done.
Time to sink or swim. |
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| Double Play? |
[Oct. 27th, 2007|05:17 pm] |
Hey Folks,
So I've just put up what I think is by far the best video I've done to date. A lot of people are telling me it should be featured, but I'm thinking since I was recently featured youtube might ignore it. So hopefully if enough people write the editors it can get the viewership it warrants.
So if you feel so inclined to help, please send an email to these people saying you think the halloween video should be featured
estreich@youtube.com
editor@youtube.com
feliciawill@google.com
sadiah@google.com
include the link to the video : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_nkq8uZxQg
Thank you for your support! |
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| Milestones. |
[Oct. 14th, 2007|03:14 pm] |
I've just passed one million total Video Views and 2000 subscribers!
Eep!
Subscribers: 2,039
Channel Views: 52,273
Video Views: 1,085,813
to be specific, but hey who's counting.
It's funny. I've actually made several goals based on youtube, and each time I make one I seem to magically achieve months before my goal.
I'm going to get a second category feature
I'm going to get front page feature
I'm going to get 2000 subs... a million views... I had till January for most of these goals.
maybe I should start taking these things out of youtube terms... try it out IRL
time for my own TV show
time for a million dollars!
time for a life. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 10th, 2007|05:39 pm] |
Social Distortion:footprints on my ceiling:I knew it was my life long duty
Hey folks.
I know what you're thinking. Oh man another SamProof blog, where's the video link? I know, all I seem to do anymore is post videos, talk about videos, talk about posting videos.
So why should today be any different?
It's not. I'm going to talk about videos. I'm going to talk about youtube. I'm going to blather on about how cool I probably am.... if you believe that you'll believe anything, I've got a bridge I'd like to see if you're interested in buying. Real cheap, 200,000 American dollars.
So here's the thing. If you haven't noticed I was featured again (for this DIY video).
black flag:jealous again:why don't you just tell me what you want from me
So many people put so much emphasis on youtube, view counts subscriber counts, efame, net populatirty, virility, enility.. and hey I can't deny that it effects me too.
I can't say the night I post a video, I can't sleep until I've reached some internal goal conflict ... "I just want to see that first 200 views come in"... "I'll sleep when there's 20 comments"... etc
The bad hearts:Help:now there's just you
The thing is.. it's not real. it's based near reality, but it's a facade, a fraud, there's nothing tangible to it, it's not life, it's glorified hobby. But shit man, I'm hobbiest.
and I guess two wrongs make a tangibility.
Much like my Zine video, I'm a DIY guy. I've always had some of my biggest personal successes in the things I do myself; websites, art project, youtube. Nobodies backing me, helping me... I'm fighting windmills and pointing at invisible ghosts of opponents that never existed.
So where does it go
Cursive :the rhyme scheme:words fail
The goal.
The dream.
It's to live by creative means. It's to have time free to create and have that creation pay my way to stay alive. It's at the very least 20,000 a year. Assuming I eat pasta and rice all the time and never drive anywhere, hell honestly if I just wanted to eat and exist I could move to a small house in the middle of nowhere and probably exist for a third of that.
Point is LA has something I want. So I have to play it's games as long as it's willing to not kick me in the balls too much. 3 times is enough, really.
And really doing the reality TV gigs hasn't sucked.
Cursive:Pulse:don't make me go back there
But the truth is, I'm getting burnt out. I'm starting to slack alot, because I never move up... because the next level up is still only the next level up... and it's not me doing my thing, doing things for me, I'm a control freak. I want to be at the top.
don't make me go back there
In 2 weeks this show I'm working on ends, and I have nothing lined up.
</font>:don't make me go back there
I have about 3 months savings to get me through to January (then the panic will set in), hopefully I'll get unemployment and that'll help carry me a little further.
but really, I don't want to keep doing this.
There was a point where I said "I'm doing being a production assistant, moving on" and I'm feeling that. it's time to get closer to the dream. And I'm working out how that's going to happen.
For starters I'll be on two TV shows.
Bad Religion:sensory overload:This isn't art, this is suicide, in a social way.
'Online Nation' as a cameo/Vlogger and 'Tim and Eric's Awesome Show Great Job' as a Principal Role. I really don't know what to expect after those hit the air, but hopefully something will happen.
My agent's not really putting me out there enough.
Bright Eyes:Saturday as usual:
the world's become a little too mean
And honestly, that's been ok with me, because I had the night job. I couldn't really do any acting without killing myself and not sleeping... but in two weeks I'm gonna get on her to get me out there. I figure I have till January to really get out there and try to do something acting wise. Actings not even the dream, it's just the thing I've been oddly the most successful at. I mean christ without trying I got a SAG card and Agent... that's not right.
So maybe I'll let fate do what it wants for a little bit.
The other thing is I'm slowly trying to budget (and finish writing) a B-movie Horror film.
Jimmie Eat World:bleed America:give it a rest now, now.. noooow
More about that later. (Natalie - if you're paying attention, write me).
Well whatever focus I had for this blog is fading out... and that's always been a thematic problem in my life, so here's to hoping there's a solidity in my focus of other things. |
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| Activate the Timer cause it's Go Time |
[Sep. 26th, 2007|11:16 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | 35, acting, goals, gone, movie, novel, online nation, samproof, screenplay, script, writing | ] |
hot water music:turnstile:There's no point to surrender
Oh man I'm just exhausted today.
It's been GO Time. I'm not fucking around.
in less then a year I'm going to be 35 and you know what? SOMETHING has to give.
It doesn't have to be amazing, it doesn't have to be the hardback version of 'Gone' on shelves internationally in 35 different languages and countries...
It doesn't have to be a multi-million dollar contract to right the next big trilogy for the silver screen.
It doesn't even have to be my own Sam Proof action figure.
I swear it really doesn't.
Hüsker Dü:59 times the pain:Never figured out eating 3 meals a day
However it would be nice. But the truth is, it just has to be ground work. A solid contract with a literary agent that believes in selling the book...
A few guest spots on a TV show, or a commercial..
or
Note2Self:don't tell them - you'll jinx it
^ that's exactly the kind of thinking that stops things from happening.
"I'll get there eventually"... "careful not to have too much fun now, or ... you know... Karma"
You know what. Fuck it.
It's wrong.
Shits happening. Not because someone is going to stumble across my path and go "Holy Shit, I have no idea who you are but I want to give you a bag full of gold and leprechaun made of chocolate".
No. It'll never happen.
I've been waiting for the leprechaun and gold fairy for years.. and she never shows.
The Dammed:new rose:I got a feeling inside of me. it's kind of strange...
So here's the deal. I'm going to make something. Whatever I can, and it's going to happen soon.
Note2Self:so you're not telling them then?
Shut up man... nothing is set in stone.
Note2Self:one day at a time
um... sure whatever... can we go back to being all excited and hyper and uber focussed?
Note2Self:I'll listen to the Dammed you go crazy
Don't mind if I do... bleeep blarp blargintosh
What the hell? Anyway... so after months and montha of not writing, I've whipped an unfinished script out of the closet.
Jawbreaker:do you still hate me?:is it over? are we writing? and I miss you.
in the last 24 hours I've already written 13 more pages bringing it 61 pages.
My goal is 70 by the weekend and 98 by next week. At which point I will hopefully make another crazy blog about how awesome stuff is n' junk.
Beyond all that. New videos in the works (like 5) so look forward to those.
Oh apparently I was not on last Sundays Online Nation, which means the odds of me being on next weeks show are even better... I think.
OK that's all for now.
Take me out boys.
Cursive:the recluse:the room is littered with the books...
Note2Self:mmm Cursive. |
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| The Great Decay |
[Aug. 26th, 2007|08:16 pm] |
cursive:tempest:
Note2Self:
Been in a crappy mood for a few days. I think part of it is the slow down. I was doing all this stuff for the battle of the youtube nonstars and then the semi finals ended and there wasn't really much to do, no pressure. I could be getting started doing stuff for the finals. But I'm not 100% sure I'm even in them. Though I'm pretty sure I am.
So instead of doing stuff, I'm just being in a crap mood. Not that it's unwarrented. my life has not been an easy one these past few years.
I made this choice along time ago to be a creative person, and apparently in my case it also means I chose to live a life in which eating one day meant losing something else.
Seaweed:stale:
I have these problems I'm too embarrassed to tell people about. I never had this before. When I was 16 I could talk about anything, laugh it off, joke it away. Cause honestly back then it meant nothing. Money wasn't a live or die staple in my universe. Not that I took it for granted, but I never really knew.
broken bottles:suburban dreams:
I've actually had the thought that, if I could go back and give up elements of my creativity so that I could live a safer, more solid, comfortable life ... I just might.
Don't take this as depression. Not that I think anybody reads this anymore. I don't blame you, I was never writing for anybody else anyway.
Cursive:the great decay:week after week its sacrifice...
I think somewhere I set a goal to sell a novel and do a feature film by 35, and then promptly forgot that was ever a goal of mine... and now 35 is looming. I set a goal that I'd make something of myself in Hollywood within ten years and I'm 7.5 down.
My clocks are running out and I don't know what happens next
all of the years that waste away
Damn iTunes reading my mind, that shit really starts to piss me off sometimes.
decay
I was thinking about this earlier, I have 85 some videos on YouTube right now, and I can easily make the assumption they average to about 2 minutes (probably more) each.. which means there's nearly 3 hours of me on the internet. So in a way I have already put in the work to have made a feature film.
Is it possible to make a feature film with one actor? Maybe I'll try to do something longer than normal one of these days. A 20 minute short of me, my shtich. What the SamProof should could be if it was on network TV, or cable... or whatever... a 22 minute romp.
I don't think the people on YouTube have the attention span for it... but I think I need to do it for me.
Bad Religon:American Dream:
I think I might give up drinking soda.
At least one the weekends, at least when I'm paying for it.
I feel like I need to cut down on expenses again.
My job ends in about a month. Oh yea, the rumor is we're having a wrap party at the Mansion.
Maybe I'll just hide in the grotto and never leave.
The Weakerthans:hostile vespers:
Wish I had a camcorder. |
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| All Aboard. |
[Jul. 8th, 2007|06:24 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | 777, acting, dreams, goals, la777, life, nyc, party, samproof, samproofshow, shannon ayres, sps | ] |
The Blue Dots:covalent bonds:what was the price you paid
It's been a crazy time. From the Auditions and gig with Tim & Eric's awesome show, a new series of on line webcasts at O11 doing artist interviews. And if you never figured out the cryptic last blog, One of my videos was featured in the comedy section on Youtube. It received over 500,000 views so far and though no longer featured it's still grabbing hundreds of hits daily. It also more than doubled my subscriber base from 195 to over 400 people watching me.
( Pics Behind Cut )
It's been a crazy enough time with just all the internet stuffs.
Saturday was 777. All the people of youtube determined this to be the magical date to meet up in New York. Which I was supposed to go to. But fate, budget and too much "realistic thinking" stopped me in my tracks and I stayed in LA.
So I did what any person could do. I sit and stewed.
Jawbreaker:boxcar:I'm coloring outside your guidelines
Actually I didn't do that at all. I took action. I found several other people on the YouTube, in the LA or OC area and invited them over. So on Saturday Phase 1 happened, and the early arrivals and I played tourist, walked about Hollywood, took pictures, ate hot dogs, went to Amoeba records.
Phase 2 involved stopping at the shady Hole in the wall Pla-Boy liquor.
The Weakerthans:aside:I'm so much better than I used to be
After grabbing ice and beer and Smirnoff coolers for the girl we headed back to my place and put Phase 2 in to full swing. Part of which was activating the video chat to broadcast that we were having at least as much fun as the East Coast Contingent if not more.
We drank, played Nintendo Wii, watched a really bad horror movie and taunted people that could make it to neither the LA or NYC meet ups. It was all in all a really great time. I'd met half the people before in real life and the other half that showed up were all easy to get along with. So it was a really good time. Even though I was competing for the attention/affection of a girl with the guy I probably most consider a friend at the party.
good Riddance:Defuse the popular struggle:I need a Reason!
But no good deed come unpunished. Around 1:30am as we hung outside in the night air, with a tense rivalry my opponent received a text message. the only things I could make out were him reading "surgery" and then mumbling "fuck fuck fuck".
I headed inside as he went to make a phone call.
ten minutes later he came inside to rejoin the party already crying, already beyond sanity. In full on hysterics.
Face to Face:ordinary:it's all inside your mind.
He was beyond the ability to speak or explain, but we all understood more or less and as he packed up and left, the girl followed (obviously). I realized he'd left his sunglasses and took a deep breath and headed out behind them. He was in full sob on her shoulder, and I placed a hand on his shoulder said "I'm gonna put your sun glasses in your bag" and I went inside.
Face to Face:complicated:you can't have what you wanted
Back inside the remaining three of us sat in an some what awkward silence and tried to figure out if anyone knew anything more than anyone else.
In time the girl came back inside.
We all sat in silence.
Eventually we decided that maybe this was a good time to call it a night, and that a good time was had.
and most everyone went home, except the one girl who'd made arrangements to stay over so she could drink.
jawbreaker:down:can't you hear the sound of machines all breaking down?
It's been an active time lately. Which is nice, there's been just too much routine lately, and a horrible routine at that. Work, Internet, Sleep, repeat. It's time for something new in the life of Sam to happen. Time for Phase 2. Time to stop fucking around with all these "jobs". Actual create something.
Udora:faith & reason:yesterday I ran because I wanted, to swallow up the whole world for a girl
I used to talk to my friend Kenny about this "thing", call it fame, wealth, celebrity... I used to tell him it's like we're at the side of this massive bullet train that's going by and we can see all the little people on board and no matter how fast we grab, or jump, or run we can't catch on to the side of it.
Last week I was so busy with things I started to think; Maybe it's me, maybe this thing we desire isn't going anywhere and I'm the bullet train. I'm rushing about with no rhyme or reason to where my crew lays track.
But then again, maybe the first metaphor is closer to the truth and I've already got my boarding pass. I just need to find the station.
Play me out boys.
Jimmie Eat World:bleed America:I'm not alone cause the TV's on. |
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| New Returns |
[Jun. 18th, 2007|04:37 pm] |
At the Drive-In:helitrope:let them take what they've been missing
In the days before the laptop, I used to write almost everyday for an hour or more in a paper legal pad. These days I'm barely writing at all, even in a journal/vlog/diary aspect. So I'm back to LJ in hopes that I'll find my voice again. Find my inner writer. Find my ink 2.0
I certainly haven't been doing much creative writing at all lately.
Good Riddance:symptons of a leveling spirit:
I feel somewhat like a creative void. I go through these phases often. I haven't played guitar in months, haven't done a single sketch in even longer. My days feel like an instant rotation of work, internet and attempts at sleep.
Oh yea, I don't sleep anymore. I take extent series's of naps. I tend to wake up every 20 minutes tops (thanks to the heated mewing of a cat doubled over with normal insomnia)
Seam:the pace is glacial:
There was a slight panic this week, when I learned suddenly that A) I have a vacation coming to me first week of July and B) I'm probably out of the job by the end of July.
After an email I received today, it sounds more like I'm working till October sometime.
Last night I had the memory flood. I'm usually so unaware of my own past, of events and people, for some reason I learned to block them all out. I learned to close off the chapters of my life and let them fade in to obscurity and foggy fuzz. I can subconsciously open the memory box and a flash flood of images and feelings will return, the data is scrambled and disjointedly connected. If I'm lucky I know the names of face in part. sometimes I over lap the details, sometimes I wish to God I could remember better, sometimes I wish I could stop remembering, because of the taunt of it; the detailessness of it. It's a tease. What's better not remembering, or not remembering enough?
The Weakerthans:Time's Arrow:
It never seems to amaze me the random shuffle of songs that read my thoughts while I blood let thoughts in to LJ. Am I made by the music I acquire or the other way around? If I erase my hard drive of music, and replace it with a year of power pop and hip hop, will I wake up tomorrow as another person?
Note2Self:I've been walking a dream for sometime
I don't really see friends anymore. It's a rare occasion. I've got to be honest, certain embarrassing aspects of my life have gotten out of hand and I'm not willing to talk about them, and I'm having a hard time fixing them.
Moosemastery:poison:greed is just poison
Alot of it comes down to money. In time I can fix it all. There's a good chance I could fix more of it right away, but I'm always so scared of "if I'll have a job come...X month" that I continually try to create an amount to fall back on; Because not having done that in the first place, got me half way to where I'm at.
Good Riddance:October:
I'll wrap it up, pack up the thoughts, go on with the day to day. Get going. More creation to come.
Oh yea, guess what's back?
I don't know how often I'll do these but its nice to return to something old and breath new life in it, or just old life with a little more longevity. |
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