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[Oct. 10th, 2007|05:39 pm] |
Social Distortion:footprints on my ceiling:I knew it was my life long duty
Hey folks.
I know what you're thinking. Oh man another SamProof blog, where's the video link? I know, all I seem to do anymore is post videos, talk about videos, talk about posting videos.
So why should today be any different?
It's not. I'm going to talk about videos. I'm going to talk about youtube. I'm going to blather on about how cool I probably am.... if you believe that you'll believe anything, I've got a bridge I'd like to see if you're interested in buying. Real cheap, 200,000 American dollars.
So here's the thing. If you haven't noticed I was featured again (for this DIY video).
black flag:jealous again:why don't you just tell me what you want from me
So many people put so much emphasis on youtube, view counts subscriber counts, efame, net populatirty, virility, enility.. and hey I can't deny that it effects me too.
I can't say the night I post a video, I can't sleep until I've reached some internal goal conflict ... "I just want to see that first 200 views come in"... "I'll sleep when there's 20 comments"... etc
The bad hearts:Help:now there's just you
The thing is.. it's not real. it's based near reality, but it's a facade, a fraud, there's nothing tangible to it, it's not life, it's glorified hobby. But shit man, I'm hobbiest.
and I guess two wrongs make a tangibility.
Much like my Zine video, I'm a DIY guy. I've always had some of my biggest personal successes in the things I do myself; websites, art project, youtube. Nobodies backing me, helping me... I'm fighting windmills and pointing at invisible ghosts of opponents that never existed.
So where does it go
Cursive :the rhyme scheme:words fail
The goal.
The dream.
It's to live by creative means. It's to have time free to create and have that creation pay my way to stay alive. It's at the very least 20,000 a year. Assuming I eat pasta and rice all the time and never drive anywhere, hell honestly if I just wanted to eat and exist I could move to a small house in the middle of nowhere and probably exist for a third of that.
Point is LA has something I want. So I have to play it's games as long as it's willing to not kick me in the balls too much. 3 times is enough, really.
And really doing the reality TV gigs hasn't sucked.
Cursive:Pulse:don't make me go back there
But the truth is, I'm getting burnt out. I'm starting to slack alot, because I never move up... because the next level up is still only the next level up... and it's not me doing my thing, doing things for me, I'm a control freak. I want to be at the top.
don't make me go back there
In 2 weeks this show I'm working on ends, and I have nothing lined up.
</font>:don't make me go back there
I have about 3 months savings to get me through to January (then the panic will set in), hopefully I'll get unemployment and that'll help carry me a little further.
but really, I don't want to keep doing this.
There was a point where I said "I'm doing being a production assistant, moving on" and I'm feeling that. it's time to get closer to the dream. And I'm working out how that's going to happen.
For starters I'll be on two TV shows.
Bad Religion:sensory overload:This isn't art, this is suicide, in a social way.
'Online Nation' as a cameo/Vlogger and 'Tim and Eric's Awesome Show Great Job' as a Principal Role. I really don't know what to expect after those hit the air, but hopefully something will happen.
My agent's not really putting me out there enough.
Bright Eyes:Saturday as usual:
the world's become a little too mean
And honestly, that's been ok with me, because I had the night job. I couldn't really do any acting without killing myself and not sleeping... but in two weeks I'm gonna get on her to get me out there. I figure I have till January to really get out there and try to do something acting wise. Actings not even the dream, it's just the thing I've been oddly the most successful at. I mean christ without trying I got a SAG card and Agent... that's not right.
So maybe I'll let fate do what it wants for a little bit.
The other thing is I'm slowly trying to budget (and finish writing) a B-movie Horror film.
Jimmie Eat World:bleed America:give it a rest now, now.. noooow
More about that later. (Natalie - if you're paying attention, write me).
Well whatever focus I had for this blog is fading out... and that's always been a thematic problem in my life, so here's to hoping there's a solidity in my focus of other things. |
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| Coming Soon |
[Sep. 15th, 2007|04:03 pm] |
So the deal with Online Nation is apparently they'll be using my clips in several episodes, but they weren't able to tell me which ones. (very sneaky way of trying to get me and my fans to watch all their episodes)
But Yea I'm officially going to be a cameo on "several episodes". It's basically a clip show that pulls videos from the web and has Vloggers, like myself responding to the video. Or saying stuff like "stay tuned..." etc.
So Watch for me Sundays on Online Nation on the CW
They also have a myspace page at http://www.myspace.com/cwtvonlinenation should you feel like adding them and leaving commets like "Squeeee I can't believe SamProof is going to be on this!"</a>
As for the Battle of the youtube nonstars
Voting ended yesterday, and I think I'll be coming in second. But hey that's pretty damn good. Especially considering I beat out a guy with twice my subscriber count and will have only lost to another guy with similarly high subs by about 50 votes.
So really, I think I did pretty damn good. |
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| Battle Update: Round 5 - The Semi Finals! |
[Sep. 1st, 2007|04:01 pm] |
I made it!
Onward to Round 6
This next round I'll be up against 2 great talents that each have nearly twice my own subscriber base, so I'm going to need some help getting the word out once Round 6 starts. |
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| The Great Decay |
[Aug. 26th, 2007|08:16 pm] |
cursive:tempest:
Note2Self:
Been in a crappy mood for a few days. I think part of it is the slow down. I was doing all this stuff for the battle of the youtube nonstars and then the semi finals ended and there wasn't really much to do, no pressure. I could be getting started doing stuff for the finals. But I'm not 100% sure I'm even in them. Though I'm pretty sure I am.
So instead of doing stuff, I'm just being in a crap mood. Not that it's unwarrented. my life has not been an easy one these past few years.
I made this choice along time ago to be a creative person, and apparently in my case it also means I chose to live a life in which eating one day meant losing something else.
Seaweed:stale:
I have these problems I'm too embarrassed to tell people about. I never had this before. When I was 16 I could talk about anything, laugh it off, joke it away. Cause honestly back then it meant nothing. Money wasn't a live or die staple in my universe. Not that I took it for granted, but I never really knew.
broken bottles:suburban dreams:
I've actually had the thought that, if I could go back and give up elements of my creativity so that I could live a safer, more solid, comfortable life ... I just might.
Don't take this as depression. Not that I think anybody reads this anymore. I don't blame you, I was never writing for anybody else anyway.
Cursive:the great decay:week after week its sacrifice...
I think somewhere I set a goal to sell a novel and do a feature film by 35, and then promptly forgot that was ever a goal of mine... and now 35 is looming. I set a goal that I'd make something of myself in Hollywood within ten years and I'm 7.5 down.
My clocks are running out and I don't know what happens next
all of the years that waste away
Damn iTunes reading my mind, that shit really starts to piss me off sometimes.
decay
I was thinking about this earlier, I have 85 some videos on YouTube right now, and I can easily make the assumption they average to about 2 minutes (probably more) each.. which means there's nearly 3 hours of me on the internet. So in a way I have already put in the work to have made a feature film.
Is it possible to make a feature film with one actor? Maybe I'll try to do something longer than normal one of these days. A 20 minute short of me, my shtich. What the SamProof should could be if it was on network TV, or cable... or whatever... a 22 minute romp.
I don't think the people on YouTube have the attention span for it... but I think I need to do it for me.
Bad Religon:American Dream:
I think I might give up drinking soda.
At least one the weekends, at least when I'm paying for it.
I feel like I need to cut down on expenses again.
My job ends in about a month. Oh yea, the rumor is we're having a wrap party at the Mansion.
Maybe I'll just hide in the grotto and never leave.
The Weakerthans:hostile vespers:
Wish I had a camcorder. |
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| blogs.. blogs... mmmm juicy blogs. |
[Apr. 3rd, 2007|06:26 am] |
Jawbreaker:shirt:I am sick
It's been a long weekend. Friday I meet up with Leah and go home to work on the press kit for her play, I'm up till 12:30 PM editing and burning CDs, and the cats aren't fond of my getting a full nights sleep without interruption.
I wander through a dream on the phone with Leah (which as far as my phone is concerned actually took place, but for the life of me the conversation consisted of her talking and my guttural moanings.) I returned to sleep and around 10pm I finally come back to life stiff and capable of something that resembles movement.
Bob Mould:wishing well:The screaming voice, it lies
I wander down to the cafe and order up some coffee and a chicken melt. I've earned myself an over priced dinner. I wander around and pick and relocate table 3 times; settling for the one by the window near the door to maximize my view of the people as they enter... tasty tasty people.
Sadly, my food seems to have no taste and the fries are ice. I tell the guy at the counter, and he says he'll score me a plate of new ones.
Back at the table I've come to a realization, the press kit I just finished ended up being just shy of 18 minutes long... with the average cut being about 20 seconds or less. So I've decided it's completely reasonable I'd be able to shoot and edit a short film on my computer and put it together.
I'm sinking my teeth into some old shorts, one in particular World of Hurt, it's only 9 pages long, 3 characters, 3 locations... I can do this.
Note2Self:brains, brains... brains
Nauty Pet:ohhh child (cover):fighting your demons with good instead of evil
Shuffle while I'm blogging always freaks me out. This is the song I've been using for Leah's Weblog series. It's a friends band, and a killer rocked out version of that class.
Note2Self:And Now back to this
I'm sitting there reading and eating, and this girl I've see at the cafe a bunch of times comes up and sits at my opposite position (since we're at a corner).
Piebald:where:I am no one! Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.
we acknowledge each other, par usual status giving each other a slight eye to make sure we're not about to lung out and eat the other person... or to say Hi... I forget.
By the time I've turned back to my work, Mike is walking through the door. He sits down and tells me he's no longer working at the cafe... he's got a more physical labor style job. He and the girl exchange sarcastic insults.
WE go outside so Mike can have a smoke and I ask id he knows her name. He says he has no idea. I stopped asking strangers their names a long time ago.
Seam:aloha spirit:
we return inside and Mike and the short spunky girl continue to flirt through insults. We ask what she's doing on her laptop, and she says she's trying to find herself on the web version of her home town paper. She was recently on CSI and apparently it's small town news.
Mike tells me I should come over so he can show me his music, I'm so out of my head I think sure and follow him.
Inside he hooks up his electric cello to a large stack of electrical stuff and plays a 5 second rif. he clicks a peddle and it plays back.. endlessly looping. He joins himself to add a higher part... he clicks a peddle and it loops back endlessly.. he makes it a trio and adds in a very low base track... he clicks a peddle and it loops back endlessly... he continues adding tracks, and even changing instruments roughly ten times, till you're sitting there thinking... one person couldn't have done this and yet you can't deny the eyes to the juicy juicy brains.
He gives me a CD of stuff and I head home.
Fugazi:merchandise:you are not what you own
I go home and try to fool around on the guitar (oh seriously, shuffle is scaring me)... I play Merchandise by Fugazi on my acoustic and my voice is still only prepared to allow for guttural groans so annoyed, I put the instrument down and begin filming and editing my next video project.
My deadline is a mere 18 hours away, or so.
I'm up till 9am this time, filming. editing and uploading to youtube.
I finally get an hour of sleep, and wake up.
again the cats and other noises wake the dead and I'm just up...
Incapable of falling back to sleep.
Bad Religion:tiny voices:its screams of forgotten victims and the cries of innocence
eventually I talk to Leah on the phone, this time I just don't remember when, or who called who... or if I was alive.
Deductive reason tells me it was around noon, cause that's when I go outside to get in my car to find it sits there lifeless clicking. I say "Hey man, I know how you feel" and go inside. Leah asks if I can manage to bring my lifeless body to the wrap party for her play, and I tell her my situation, she's say she'll pick me up.
at the party I find myself in a nice comfyish patio chair and basically let the world around me happen.
The Weakerthans:the last last one:Maybe we'll never go insane. You always said we would... cutting down all our old friends
It's funny I've never met any of the other 8 girls, yet I know who's who and who's from Cape Verdi via Boston. I know which girls have bands. I know who does yoga, who has two small dogs, who has appeared in playboy, who's moved out here in the last 6 months. And for the most part, the know who I am before I even grunt out "ugh... Sam". I have footage, a little bit... I don't know that it'll make any sense or tell a fluid story, but I had to get what I could.
Jimmie Eat World:my sundown:I said my goodbye's this is my sundown
At some point Leah come out of hiding and hand myself and two other guys thank you cards. All of the girls have signed the card and, though tired and drained, I know that this has been one of the best weekends I've had in almost a year.
I live so routinely sometimes. Work, Sleep, Rinse Repeat. I just slosh through the sluice of life and become some kind of dyslexic zombie.
My sleep schedule is completely wacked out, as I'm waking at 6am.
I figure I'll just go with it, and Pop in 'Shaun of the Dead' and try to type a blog.
Take me out of here boys
Bad Religion:world war III:All the rest will release soon - Into your living room
Oh yea, you can see my most recent video here
And also check me out in Groovytimes' two parter, playing Brutus to his Cyber Ceasar Part 1 and Part 2 |
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