Hat Pic


link: https://youtu.be/pyI7ns29h64

In 2016 I'm working toward weekly pizza videos, so it's crucial I get some support now! Please go to the youtube video itself, watch it, like it, leave a comment (or 3) and share this on your LJ, Twitter and facebook.

Thank you so much!
Hat Pic

Memories of Tomorrow

Every time I go to blog these days it immediately goes to a place of nostalgia. I'm so tempted to start every post with "I used to this" or "remember when that"... I never feel excited to talk about things I'm doing, going to do, the future, etc.

Where did that go?

Frankly I've been running on empty for nearly 6 years now. I'm not blaming the girls, but it's the kids, and the job and the bills. I'm exhausted, I need time to tuck myself away in a room by myself and just exist. 

I haven't recouped in forever.

I'm not even sure the last time I legitimately wrote anything was. Like fiction-wise.

This is as close as it gets to being creative these days, and I'm over it. hiding my thoughts away in this old dusty corner of the internet. 

Hat Pic

Everything Tastes Like Salt

I've been fighting this virus for what must be nearly two weeks. I hit the peak last Friday which literally knocked me on my ass so hard I couldn't stay conscious for longer than a few minutes here and there until it was nearly Sunday. I wasn't able to eat anything either, I drank water and juice when I could manage to get up.

Then as I was on the mend, something horrid happened. For the second time during this battle (sorry in advance) my entire mouth was in a world of mucous. All I could taste or smell was that. With the slight exception of the day I took some Berry flavored NyQuil knock off to sleep; then it was the taste of Chemical Berry Mucous. It was worse. 

But nothing was worse than what followed. Everything turned to salt. It came on suddenly when I tried to eat some pasta my wife made, and at first I only noticed the overwhelming salt taste when I tried to eat anything.

Then it became persistent. 

It is the worst version of the weird fruit that turns your sour tastebuds to sweet, except this is just an overall — everything is fucking SALT!

Chicken soup? Salt water with meaty bits.

La Croix? Dish soap. 

Pizza? Fuck you, there is no God!

A quick google search presents this fun list

  • Dehydration
  • Nutritional deficiencies
  • Oral bleeding
  • Acid reflux
  • Oral infection
  • Post-nasal drip
  • Sjogren’s syndrome
  • Hormonal changes
  • Side effects of medication
  • Chemotherapy side effects
Collapse )
Hat Pic

Calm Down and Destroy

This is a bit of forced entry, I'm making myself put the virtual pen to the virtual paper. Exercise exercising my demons. I have a jumble in my brain, a bee's nest swarming and buzzing and concentration has been hard for years.

I live so often in nostalgia, in the impulse to start every passage with the nagging brain pull of the past. 

This is now, this is future, this is the Push.

It's been slide and survive for so long.

We move on and cast out the insects from our skull, find the calm and peace. Waves in the ocean. The Black Sea rises. I've tried so long to call back, Daniel, Katie. The chessboard. Memories of Tomorrow. 

But now, this Tume, this time, this this... I'm covered in spider webbing, saran wrap, sinew of life.

Tear it all off, does that bring me a calm or a focus to become a titan?

Do we stay wrapped and buzzing in our coma of work, life, social media and bullshit just out of fear. If we rise above it, do we cease to strive?

I'm ready to relax, I'm ready to destroy.

Hat Pic

Life Updates

It's been a million years since I started my journey here on LJ (or 19). I've taken vast breaks, returned to check on the void of nothing and left again and again, and why should this time be any different? 

It might, it might no be, but where I once stood a single guy recently moved to Hollywood with dreams and aspirations; here's where I am...

I was married 8 years ago (we live streamed it, it was intense). I now have two amazing daughters (3 and 5), and I'm finally working at a job where I livestream for a living. In fact I run the studio, I have people above me to check in with but I'm on a very loose tether.

Collapse )
Hat Pic

New Year. Old Past.

I've travelled the world as we know it, socially, internetty, in other words virtually. The BS muck and mire. The ego stroking, self indulgent, life competition.

I come back from time to time, year to year to this wasteland of what once was. 

LJ was my first success, this was my first home on the web, my first learning ground for 'Social Media'. It was then, when I started literally a journal, a private public place I posted thoughts. 

As time moved on, as I grew, as the internet broke open; it became a place to link, post, promote... it lost it's heart and my soul. 

Many times I've come back to see if there was life here, life to be breathed in to and quickly I let it slip again. So why should this time be any different? It shouldn't, maybe it won't.

But I've found a need to open up, to write without meaning or focus, to spew out thoughts and leave the word salad garbage of my life in a desolate corner of the internet, so i've wandered back here.

because well this is home.